- Children say parents do not understand their online world – and would be shocked by common harmful experiences, yet many would not turn to families first when something goes wrong
- Children’s Commissioner’s new guide offers practical tips and advice for parents on supporting their children with online safety, screen time, dealing with negative online experiences and the use of Artificial Intelligence
- Ahead of the Christmas holidays and with young people spending more time online, children have told the Commissioner they want their parents to set clear, explained boundaries, and say regular, everyday conversations are key to staying safe online
Children have told the Children’s Commissioner that their parents and carers do not really understand their online experiences and would be shocked by how common some online harms are, but that if something bad happened online, many would not speak to their families first, if at all.
Teenagers aged 13 to 18 said they accepted that bad things can happen online, feeling it was an inevitable part of the online world. They shared how they had been contacted by strangers, seen pornography, and were aware of intimate images of their peers being shared. They were also concerned about cyberbullying and content that glamourised self-harm and suicide.
Ahead of the Christmas holidays with more children spending time online and some receiving new phones and smart devices, the Children’s Commissioner has released a new guide with practical tips to support parents who may feel overwhelmed by the mixed messages around online safety and the ever-evolving online landscape their children are facing.
Dame Rachel de Souza’s new guide reflects what children have told her are the biggest issues facing them online and offers practical tips and conversation starters on how families can talk about online safety, managing screen time, dealing with negative online experiences, and the use of Artificial Intelligence (AI).
Children’s Commissioner Dame Rachel de Souza said:
“Today, parents are confronted with a seemingly impossible situation: do you let your child go online, and risk them being exposed to harmful content? Or do you prevent them accessing a part of the world which is now a daily part of young adolescence.
“But being a parent or carer is also a privilege, one that cannot be treated lightly. That’s why my message is simple: you are not supposed to be your child’s friend.
“We are all aware of our own scrolling habits and the challenge of putting down the phone to be present. We are now seeing these familiar habits translate to new ones in younger generations – and it is frightening. The solution therefore cannot be simply to rely on politicians or platforms to keep our children safe – parents must play their role with communication, much more of it, not just confiscation.
“Talk early – and talk often. Meet your child with patience, compassion for them navigating this new and rapidly developing world – the same compassion we deserve for ourselves – and with kindness. Trust your instincts – and take the steps to educate yourself.”
The guide is the second of its kind produced by the Children’s Commissioner. The first, published in 2021, focused on how to discuss difficult issues like sexual harassment online.
Today’s guide, ‘What I wish my parents knew’, is broader in scope, helping parents to recognise the complex and rapidly evolving landscape their children are navigating. It addresses common concerns and questions about online safety, just as families may consider gifting their child a phone or smart device this Christmas.
It offers parents an insight into what children find hard about having conversations about their online lives, detailed guidance on the issues children said the wanted their parents to better understand. It also includes explainers of the top social media apps and AI tools children use.
Nationally representative polling commissioned by Dame Rachel de Souza found the majority (69%) of children aged 8 to 15 spend more than two hours a day on a screen, while 23% spend more than four hours– demonstrating the need for parents to have open and honest conversations with their children about how they spend their time online, and for how long.
Children said the biggest barrier to honest conversations about their experiences was parents not understanding platforms, trends and social dynamics that shape their online world. They feared the consequences of losing access to their phone or having restrictions imposed without explanation, so would often avoid telling parents about even the most worrying online experiences.
The Commissioner’s guide offered parents and carers a number of tips and advice, informed by children themselves:
- Have open, early conversations about children’s online lives – discuss the good and bad things they see online, ask them directly if you’re unsure, and seek advice from teachers or trusted professionals, when needed.
- Create a calm, safe environment for children to talk about what they see online, set clear and evolving ground rules together, and always explain decisions around limits or device removal so children understand and accept boundaries.
- Involve children in decisions about apps and devices, children said they wanted help managing their screentime and phone use expressing desires for clear rules and boundaries on the time they could spend online and content they could access. Some suggested ‘phone free time’ at home such as dinner time and not having devices in bedrooms as possible ideas for rules at home.
- Start early and keep chats regular, children said they don’t want ‘the big talk’ so make sure chats are casual and woven into everyday moments, model healthy digital habits, and share your own experiences to make the conversation natural.
Children felt their online and offline worlds were interconnected and both equally important parts of their lives, with many using social media everyday saying it helps them to relax and connect with friends. Many children said it was a big part of their lives, but some felt addicted to their phone, feeling the urge to pick it up when they saw their device.
Children also reported feeling that AI has been embedded in almost every part of their lives, including the way they do their homework and search for information – with some feeling like the cannot avoid it, and others thinking AI generated content is valued more by teachers than the work they do themselves.
The Commissioner’s guide has been published a week after the social media ban came into force in Australia, and following new safety measures, including age verification checks, came into force in July as part of the Online Safety Act.
Children’s testimonies
“Don’t be afraid to be firm, and if you are worried about that, your child is seeing harmful content and you don’t know what they’re watching and it’s affecting the behaviour, just take it that you know best, they don’t.”
“A rule that I think is really important that I’ve always had was don’t let your child sleep with their phone in their room … stuff online tends to go wrong late at night…say your parents are asleep it’s really easy to just sit up scrolling, watching things.”
“Because they’re students, they use it for things like they use ChatGPT for maybe researching ideas. You can also use it to write your essays and whatnot. And then I’d probably say that unfortunately, it’s also used for more negative things like deep fakes and other harmful content.”
“Just don’t break the trust … don’t suddenly go behind a child’s back. I’ve known parents go in like, take pictures of like their social media profile and confront them about pictures or comments.”
“Children are going to try the hardest to bypass parental controls and screentime limits […] it needs to be […] a collaborative approach where the parent and the child kind of decide together, kind of compromise.”
