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Deputy Children's Commissioner Sue Berelowitz was invited to give the annual childcare lecture at the University of East Anglia on 17 May. Her speech, given to an audience of trainee social workers, social work managers and educators, and professionals working in children's services, is summarised below.

"Don't children deserve better than that?!"

When I talk to children around the country, they always ask what I'll do with what they're telling me. The answer is that I'll share their stories and messages with those who matter. As people who are the social workers of the future, who are training social workers, social work managers and professionals working in children's services, you are the people who matter. Some of their stories are hard to hear because they are painful - they tell us where we as adults have failed the vulnerable children in our care. But they also tell us how to be better, how to get it right.

Sean is 17. I met him because I am examining mental health service provision for young people in trouble with the law and he had tried to hang himself. When Sean was 10, his brother committed suicide while in prison; Sean said his life had just collapsed. His mother couldn't cope and developed serious mental health problems, and no one ever talked to him about his grief. Sean became very difficult and angry at school and then dropped out; no one tried to get him back in. He bounced in and out of care through his early teenage years, got in with a bad crowd and got into trouble.

At 16, Sean ended up in prison himself. He arrived not able to read or write, depressed, angry, with no hope and no prospects. His mind was filled with thoughts of ending it all and he frequently tried to do so. I asked Sean what would have made a difference to his life and he said: "I would have liked a dad". Sean's dad had left when he was two, sent him one Christmas present and then vanished from his life.

It can feel overwhelming, as a social worker, when faced with youngsters as troubled as Sean. The barriers to getting through to him and his family can easily feel insurmountable. And you can't be his dad; but you can make a difference. The children, young people and families we talk to are absolutely clear that they want a social worker in their lives, that effective social work is a force for good, and they have told us what "good" social work looks and feels like.

"She cared you know. I was not just a case, but a person. It was something about her. I don't know. We had our ups and downs, and she could get cross, but I knew that she cared, and I kept coming back to that." (Young person)

"If there's something wrong she'll come to see me." (Boy, aged 14)      

"Stop holding meetings and writing notes... do something about it to make life better. It takes too long to action things." (Boy, aged 16)

Social work is a tough profession. Social workers are beset by competing demands: safeguarding children, keeping families together, intervening early - but not so quickly that they act precipitately, being authoritative and decisive - yet listening to children and families and holding all variables in mind; working within ever-shrinking budgets, yet doing the best for the child.

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child provides us with the perfect guide in this often contradictory and crowded landscape, setting out clearly the basic entitlement for every child and providing the framework within which we can all operate. Articles three and 12 of Convention outline our responsibility to work in children's best interests and ensure that their views are heard and considered.

"I've been in 18 different foster placements, a secure unit for drugs, in court and had so many different social workers. No one sat me down and asked what was going on" (Girl, aged 16)

Asking for and listening to the child's perspective helps us to make good decisions. It is not about adults abrogating responsibility, but about having a responsibility to ensure we are fully informed of the issues, to weigh up the facts, consider the consequences of any possible action, and decide accordingly. Being able to provide the child and their family with a coherent explanation for your decision is both a good test of its rightness and also morally the correct thing to do.

Seeing the world through the eyes of a vulnerable child can be very painful. How do you connect in that real and genuine way while not feeling overwhelmed, becoming over-identified, losing your sense of perspective? You need to be able to maintain your professional boundary and your capacity to be empathic simultaneously. I strongly believe that both are essential requirements for best practice.

"It's all about relationships. We are talking about dealing with people, with problems, with painful stuff. You have to know someone, trust them. They must be reliable and be there for you, if you are going to be able to talk about the things you don't want to. The things that scare you."  (Young person).

As a social worker, you are the most important, valuable and powerful tool in the social work toolbox. Be genuine, be trustworthy and be consistent. Explain, listen, show that you care and try to understand - if you feel scared in a home, what must it be like for the child? Find ways to offer practical assistance - children and families tell us they really value practical help. Celebrate successes, and most importantly, walk in the child's shoes.

There is no doubt that social work is at a crossroads, but if we listen, learn, and hold in mind the key principles of listening to children and putting their best interests first in all that we do, then I believe we can get it right for vulnerable and marginalised children, and make the difference that I know you are coming into social work to make.

All names have been changed to protect the confidentiality of the children involved.

For more information about the Office of the Children's Commissioner's work in the area of safeguarding, contact Jenny Clifton, Principal Policy Advisor (Safeguarding).